Wired Differently: Getting diagnosed with ADHD at 51
At 51, I was diagnosed with ADHD. The news didn’t shock me. Two of my three daughters already had the same diagnosis. My youngest daughter suggested the condition might have come from me and then she added “Maybe I should get assessed too”.
Spotting the Signs
My eldest daughter had been having therapy for anxiety when her counsellor raised the possibility of undiagnosed ADHD. The comment made complete sense. A truly anxious person doesn’t book a solo trip to Asia, even if they’re joining a group tour! [Follow her travels at “Grovestrotting” on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. She’s now in the process of launching a new venture with her boyfriend – “The Backpacker Hub” – launching group trips soon, a perfect option if you’re curious about travelling but a bit unsure].
With a little help from Google, we began connecting the dots. So many ADHD traits fit us perfectly. No wonder GCSE and A-Level revision had felt like wading through treacle.
Living Undiagnosed for Decades
Throughout my life, I’d just about kept it together. I found ways to mask chaos and hide constant overwhelm. I fought to meet expectations whilst silently battling frustration and shame. On the outside I seemed fine. Inside I was drowning.
The Missing Puzzle Piece
Receiving the diagnosis brought clarity. I hadn’t even known I was searching for answers, yet there it was. Relief came first—then grief. I mourned the years spent feeling “not good enough” and working twice as hard to keep up. My self-esteem had slowly eroded from internalising the belief that something was wrong with me. I’d swung between feeling “too much” and “not enough” for most of my life.
Finding Myself Through Counselling
Before I knew ADHD was a possibility, I’d already started working on myself during my counselling training. One day I told a friend, “I think I finally like my weirdness.” That moment marked the start of self-acceptance. I began unpicking old stories and beliefs, stitching compassion into the places where shame used to sit.
The Challenge of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
RSD has been one of the hardest aspects of ADHD to manage. Rejection feels physical—sharp and overwhelming. Criticism, even when mild, hits like a punch. I take everything personally, and it drains me. I’m still working on this.
Parenting Neurodivergent Children
Raising neurodivergent children as a neurodivergent parent is complex. It’s joyful, messy, and often confronting. I see myself in their meltdowns, overwhelm, and struggles to be understood. I don’t always handle things perfectly. Sometimes I snap. I doubt myself. But I also get them in ways others can’t.
I know they aren’t being difficult—they’re struggling to regulate. They’re not broken. Neither am I. We’re simply wired differently.
What I’d Tell My Younger Self
If I could speak to my younger self, I’d say: “You’re not lazy. You’re not a failure. Your brain works differently.” Since I can’t go back, I do the next best thing. I believe it now. And I’m raising my girls to believe it, too.